I am a planner. I love a good calendar and spreadsheet. Administration is my number one spiritual gift. I am a Meyers Briggs ISTJ and an Enneagram One. I don’t like the unknown. You can’t plan for the unknown. The future is unknown.
When Mike died, I found myself suddenly facing a future that I knew would differ radically from the one I always thought I would have. That is a terrifying position for a planner. I knew in my head the promise of Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” But I also knew from reading my Bible that the path to that future can be messy, and scary, and painful. I had a decision to make. Was I willing to trust my unknown future to my known God?
In Made For This, Jennie Allen writes, “To risk is to willingly place your life in the hand of an unseen God and an unknown future, then watch Him come through. He starts to get real when you live like that…Scripture describes a radical, reoriented life for those who trust Christ…It’s a life fully surrendered to an invisible God…a life very different from the safe, comfortable one I found myself creating.”
I began to pray. I started every day with the words, “Anything, Lord.” I confronted the holes in my faith that my need to plan revealed. I began to sense new callings, new dreams, and laid those at my Father’s feet. I prayed for a spirit of complete surrender, no matter how scary or uncomfortable, no matter the cost. I told God that I wanted whatever He had for me–and nothing less. I prayed that I would not let my inadequate, fearful imagination limit the designs of my very big God.
I still don’t know what my future holds and for once, this planner is OK with that. In fact, I am excited, exhilarated, breathless even, in anticipation of how God is going to come through. What is the rest of my story going to look like? In what ways will God use me for His glory? I am determined not to miss the future God has planned for me because I am afraid and unwilling to trust. I want a life that only God can orchestrate.
I challenge you to pray “Anything, Lord” and see what He stirs in your heart, what He leads you to let go of. You don’t have to be brave to pray that prayer. You just have to trust God. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6